wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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