entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
