I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
