I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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