I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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