I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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