I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
