Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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