Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
