i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
