remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
