you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Still dying that you shit outside
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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