I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
