I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
