He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
