are you still at the devil's house?
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
