Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
