I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
