My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
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he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
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Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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