She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
