I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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