After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
