You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
