the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
