You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
