I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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