Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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