Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
