today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
