Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.