I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It's rum buckets o'clock
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
