this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich