I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
