Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
