Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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