Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
