I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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