Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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