He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
