I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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