I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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