If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
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he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
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I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Sorry my hands just texted you
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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