Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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