i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
