I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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