New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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