So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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