ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize