you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
