God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
