I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
She is in my trunk
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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