He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
