you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
