You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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