you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
