phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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