Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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