dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
