Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just blew my weed a kiss
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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