Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
