I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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