Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
