i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
