God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
