last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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