You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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