just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
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I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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