is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
