Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
