Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
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She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
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I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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