We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize