Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
