well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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