I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
