hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I understand Curling. That high.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
This is my gift to your gina
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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