I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
