Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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