I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
