Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
