Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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